What type of fuckery is this?

So its summertime and im newly single again, (easy ladies, orderly que to the left, to the left) and after a week or two of blasting Ghostdini and Carl Thomas, followed by the occasional crank, ive picked myself up and am ready to take on the responsibilty of being a single male in one of the busiest cities of the world... you know, regular hair cuts, bathing at least once a day... shaving now and again and of course, smelling nice..... so off to boots i go.
I went with Burberry, as according to Luda, "it makes the hoes panties wet"... however after picking up a box that was roughly twice the size of a packet of B+H 20s, i realise that whats inside is a container barley big enough to hold an 8 years olds sperm donation. Was i ripped off???... for £18, yes i was... Will women flock over me cause i smell like Luda?... Probably not. .. Am i going to put Ghost and Carl Thomas back on and have a crank??... Probably so.